


In Spite of it All

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abandonment, Borderline Personality Disorder, M/M, Racism, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7624222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When their daughter returns home after 18 months on the streets, Dan and Phil have a few tough decisions to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Spite of it All

**Author's Note:**

> Borderline Personality Disorder: a mental health disorder that generates significant emotional instability. This can lead to a variety of other stressful mental and behavioral problems.With borderline personality disorder, you may have a severely distorted self-image and feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you may desire to have loving and lasting relationships. (mayoclinic.org)

**_Wild Cherry Lane_ **

It had been pure luck. They were still home, the family at 4 Wild Cherry Lane. It was the first week of July. The boy was glad to be done with school for the year. There was not a day he wasn’t riding his bike or going to the local swimming pool with his mates. The two men living there still went about their daily tasks like normal. Summer time only meant a two week trip in some foreign land, a well-deserved holiday.

The holiday was set for July 8th and here she was on their doorstep on July 3rd.

—-

“Hi, Daddy,” she said when the door open and revealed a very confused but somehow relieved Dan.

Without a word, he took her by the arm, pulling her into the house and into his body.

“Phil!” he cried into the passage. “It’s Kiera.”

They honestly thought she’d never come back but here she was. Phil scrambled down the stairs and paused at the bottom of the stairs, shocked at the sight of his eldest, finally back home.

“Papa,” she said, voice breaking. Her hands went to her middle as she waited for them to say something.

He said nothing and followed his husband’s example by ushering her into his arms.

After a moment, Dan asked, “Are you hungry?”

“A bit,” she answered.

Dan walked his daughter through the house she had grown up in. He had his hand on her shoulder, afraid she would disappear like last time. She had been smaller then. He was sure of it. Kiera had grown up and he wasn’t able to see it. Why did she go?

A tea kettle he’d turned on earlier was bubbling up, ready to go. Phil sat down at the table after helping his daughter sit down. The house was startlingly quiet for few moments.

Dan eventually set down a plate of toast, butter and Nutella. They had been drinking their tea for quite some time now.

“Where is Colin?”

Dan put down his cup. “He’s next door playing with Jeremy. You remember him, right?”

She nodded. “What have you all been up to?”

Phil spoke up then. “We’re still working for the BBC. We were going on holiday next week.”

“Oh,” her nostrils flared. “I should have known.”

“Kiera, we won’t go if you need us,” Phil assured her. It went quiet again.

“When are you due?” Dan asked her, nodded to her large stomach.

“Soon. A woman at the clinic said mid-July,” she shrugged.

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“No,” she said.

Dan looked to his husband for a glimmer of help. Their daughter was still as volatile and impulsive as always. They had to watched every word they said to make sure she stayed—at least until the baby was born. Phil raised one eyebrow and shrugged minimally.

“What have you been doing seen we last saw you?” Dan decided to drop the ‘two years ago’ from his question.

Kiera laughed lightly. “What do you think?” she gestured to her stomach. “I met someone.”

“Is he the father?”

She shrugged.

Dan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Who is the father, Kiera?”

“I knew you be like this!” she screamed, the emotional reaction is sadness as much as it is anger. “I don’t know! You hate me. I know you do.”

Dan and Phil both winced. It had started.

“We don’t hate you. We’re your parents and we want you to have the best of everything. This baby’s going to be our grandchild,” Dan said. “We just want to make sure you’re both taken care of.”

“I don’t know who it was, Daddy,” she sobbed.

“Was it consensual?” Phil asked next.

She sniffled, moving her stringy brown hair for her eyes. She stared at her hands. “I don’t know. I was on a high and it was a party. My boyfriend was there but he doesn’t remember anything either.”

“Do you want to stop and take a break?” Phil continued. She nodded, feeling relieved.

There was shuffling at the front door before it burst open. “Dad, can I have a snack?”

Colin hadn’t seen her sitting there.

“Hey monkey,” Kiera laughed wetly. The look on his face was priceless, a mixture of happiness and surprise. Just like his father, he rushed to hug her before saying a word. The nine year old hugged tight but was careful of her stomach.

He asked, “Are you staying?”

Kiera looked up at Phil and Dan, gaging their reaction. They both nodded. “Yeah, monkey. I am.”

—-

Later that night, they had asked Kiera to watch Colin so they could go out and take care of a few things. They had hoped that her sense of control around her brother was still as strong as it used to be. Even so, they were just around the block, in their car talking so that she couldn’t overhear them.

“Dan, what do you think she’s been doing for the past year and a half?”

“I don’t want to think about it. I’m almost certain that she was either high on drugs or manic when that baby was conceived. It seems like the whole thing is a blur to her. Like she blacked out.”

“What about this boyfriend of hers? Did you see the bruises on her arms?”

“I did,” Dan nodded. “She’s not going back to him, even if the baby is his. No matter what she says.”

Phil took his husband’s hand and kissed the back. “We’ll figure this one out, get her to a doctor, and on medication again.”

“What if she leaves?”

“We’ll call the police. The baby can’t be put in jeopardy.”

Dan agreed. “Do remember when she was a baby? I was so scared of messing up. What have we done? Why did it have to be her?”

“Shhh… She was born this way, it just took a while for the symptoms to show. Remember, her birth parents were unstable as well. We tried our best. She had a great childhood, Dan. It was better than if she’d grown up in care. She would have no one to turn to if we hadn’t taken her.”

“Don’t you ever think that it’s your fault?”

Phil sighed. “All the time.”

—-

“You kept my room just the same,” Kiera announced the next morning at the table.

“We thought you would want to come back one day,” Dan said reaching for his glass.

“We’re thinking of going shopping today for the baby,” Phil suggested.

“I can’t pay you back,” she murmured.

“We’ll sort that out later. My grandchild will have a crib to sleep in.”

As she poured a glass of orange juice, there was a sudden splash of water and Kiera’s eyes opened wide.

“Eww,” Colin exclaimed at the sight of the fluid beneath his feet.

“The baby’s coming, Colin,” Kiera explained. Her parents sprang into action, helping her into the car.

“You have really good timing,” Dan smiled, trying to make her laugh. She giggled a little before the very first contraction hit hard. Phil held her hand and helped her breathe. Colin watched in fascination.

After she was checked in, Kiera was forced to relay her history to the midwife on-call. She had taken several drugs, even while pregnant. She had had several partners without protection. She was diagnosed with two mental disorders. She was tired of answering questions.

The nurse asked Dan and Phil to help fill  in any holes but they couldn’t help. They saw their daughter for the first time in eighteen months just yesterday.

Labor lasted twelve hours. The little girl was a light brown color with her mother’s blueish green eyes. She was a bit on the small side at 5lbs 2 oz. Having come two weeks early, it was expected. She had a small patch of dark curls on her head. She seemed to be smiling even though they all knew she was far too young.

As Phil held her, while Kiera slept, he told her, “I didn’t know about you until yesterday but here you are, stealing my heart already. I’m your papa, your grandpa. And you are my little angel. I think you’re the reason why your mummy decided to come home. Listen up. I’m going to protect you both for as long as I can.”

The infant yawned and curled into Phil’s body heat. “Yes, my little angel.”

—-

Kiera stayed for a month before she ran again.

Rain was crying when they realized Kiera had left. The baby screamed for someone to feed her and hold her and no one came as Kiera had managed to quiet her daughter every time she cried. When the cries had continued for ten minutes and finally woke up Colin, the boy hazily walked into the room down the hall. Seeing his niece in such distress, he looked for Kiera. After a few moments of searching, he went into his parents’ room.

They too had searched for Kiera.

Dan made a bottle.

Phil changed her nappy.

Colin went back to sleep.

This time the note was shorter.

It read: She doesn’t love me.

**_Roots_ **

“Boys and girls, are we ready?” a young teacher smiled at her five and six year old students. A chorus of children answered, “Yes, Miss.”

“Good,” she said. “Today, we are going to read a book about a little girl climbing a tree. But this isn’t just a normal tree, it’s her family tree. Can anyone tell me what a family tree?”

Five hands shot up. “Yes, Hannah?”

“Is it the tree out in the garden? Mine has cherries sometimes.”

“Not quite,” the teacher said. “Good answer though. Anyone else? Kyle?”

“It’s a thing with all your relatives on it, like your mum and your dad and all your brothers and sisters.”

“That’s right. A family tree is an organizer that helps up remember the members of our families. Today’s book is called ‘My Family Tree’.”

A few minutes later, the teacher told all the children that their homework assignment was to ask their parents about their family trees and make one at home to bring in for sharing circle the next day.

Rain Howell-Lester sat there confused. She didn’t have parents. She had grandparents and an uncle. Colin wasn’t really much of an uncle though. He wasn’t old yet. The little girl raised her hand.

“Yes?”

“Do we have to ask our parents?”

“Yes. That’s the assignment.”

Dejected, Rain walked home with Colin thinking about her family tree the entire time. How could she do it?

When she saw Dan and Phil in the kitchen, she couldn’t help but smile, already feeling a little better.

Phil scooped her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “How was your day?”

“It was okay until Ms. Andrews said I had to make a tree.”

“Make a tree?” Dan clarified.

“Yeah, a family tree.”

“We can help you with that,” Phil told her.

“No, Papa. She said I had to ask my parents. But, I don’t have any.”

Dan and Phil shared a look.

“I’m sure we can help just the same. We’re grandparents. Do you know why we are grandparents?”

“No,” she said innocently.

“Because we are even better than normal parents,” Phil told her. “That’s why we’re grand.”

Dan rolled his eyes.

“Okay!” Rain nodded.

After dinner, the two men helped their granddaughter draw a tree on some construction paper. The first terrifying step was explaining that they didn’t have the slightest clue who her father was.

“Your mother’s name is Kiera. She goes right above you,” Dan explained. “Then, Papa and I go next.”

They thought they had dodged a bullet by quickly going over the lower part of the tree and exploring great-grandparents, uncles and aunts, and cousins. When the tree looked filled, Rain asked, “Where does my daddy go?”

“What?” Phil said, trying to buy time to sort this out in his head.

“My daddy. I have a mummy. Where’s my daddy?”

“I don’t have a mummy,” Colin interjected, ready to save the day. “Some people have one mummy and no daddy. Some people have two mums or two dads, or one of each, Rainey. You don’t have a dad like I don’t have a mum.”

Rain nodded in understanding before she started putting the art supplies away. Dan looked a Colin and mouthed a thank you. The fifteen year old smile contentedly and went back to texting.

—-

Sharing circle had been interesting. Almost everyone had a mummy and a daddy on their tree except one other girl who had two mums.

When Rain stood up to share, Miss asked her start with her parents. Rain pointed to her mum. “That’s my parent.”

“I see that. Where’s your other one?” Ms. Andrews asked.

“I don’t have another one.”

“You’re missing half of your tree, Rain.”

The little girl stood there pouting as she was chastised in front of the entire class.

“I’m going to have to give you an incomplete for this project. Do you understand why?”

Rain shook her head. “I finished. My Papa and Grandad helped me.” The tears streaming down her face as she spoke.

“You are missing half your family, Rain. Your tree is not finished. You can share your tree when it’s finished. Bring it back tomorrow.”

The girl sat down and brought her knees up to her chest and cried until dismissal.

—-

When Colin picked up his niece later that day, she wouldn’t speak to him. Unfortunately, Dan and Phil were both due to work that evening so Rain wouldn’t open up about her bad day.

As soon as Dan walked through the door and hung up his coat, he knew something was wrong. His bubbly granddaughter would usually greet them at the door, ready to rehash tales of the day. Tonight, however, she was nowhere in sight.

“Colin? Rain?” Phil called. He walked further into the house to see Rain eating her dinner quietly. Colin gave them both a look. “Something happened and she won’t tell me. Good luck.”

Dan made his way over to Rain and kneeled down to her eye level.

“What’s wrong, baby bear?”

“My tree.”

“Did it tear?”

She shook her head. “Miss said it was in—incomplete.”

“Why did she say that?”

“Because I said I only had a mummy. She said everybody has two parents and my tree was missing half the people. She wouldn’t let me share! Everybody else did.”

As it was clear that she wouldn’t be eating anymore, Dan picked her up like she was a toddler, rubbing her back in soothing motions.

“I’m going to have a serious talk with that teacher,” Phil said to his husband. Dan nodded in agreement, still murmuring reassurances to Rain.

—-

“Ms. Andrews?”

The young woman turned to see two of them standing in her doorway. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Yes, we’re here to talk about Rain Howell-Lester.”

“You are her?”

“Grandparents. She lives with us.”

Her face beamed in recognition. “Yes, I remember you now. Come in.”

Dan and Phil took two seats set aside for adults. Most of the furniture in the room was made with very small children in mind.

Ms. Andrews smiled brightly as she said, “What can I do for you?”

“I would like for you to tell Rain that her family tree is valid.”

She frowned. “I never said it was invalid.”

“You said it was ‘incomplete’.”

“Yes, well, she only had half of it.”

“Are you aware of how inappropriate it is to tell a child that their family is incomplete? Do you have the slightest clue?” Phil asked getting angrier as he remembered the look on his angel’s face.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I thought she hadn’t finished the project in time.”

“When she said that she only had a mum, did you think she was lying?” Dan laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat. “She’s five. She wouldn’t make that up.”

Ms. Andrews had nothing to say but her flushed cheeks said it all. She had made a huge mistake.

“Listen,” Phil started. “When my granddaughter comes in later this morning, you will apologize. You will tell her she did a great job on her tree and that you misunderstood her. That’s it.”

Ms. Andrews nodded.

“The next time something like this happens, I will go straight to head teacher. If that doesn’t work, I’ll share the story with media. Maybe you’re a listener on my radio show that reaches audiences worldwide.”

Dan smirked. Sometimes when Phil was angry, it was incredibly sexy.

“’London School Teacher Discriminates against Nonstandard Families’ for the headline. What do you think?” Dan added. “I mean we’re a same sex couple and raising our multiracial grandchild. It doesn’t get any more non-standard than that.”

“I am really sorry. It was all a misunderstanding, I swear,” Ms. Andrews groveled. “This kind of thing won’t happen again.”

“Good,” Phil said. He stood up and walked right out, Dan following close behind.

As they walked down the hall, Dan said, “That was amazing.”

“No one messes with our baby bear.”

Dan smiled. “Damn right.”

**_Enlightened_ **

****

It was the first time Kimberly had ever come over to Rain’s house. Rain was proud to show her home and all the toys her grandparents had given her. She had been bragging about her room since the start of the school year. She had signed posters from almost every major artist thanks to her grandparents’ connections. At eight years old, Rain recognized that her family was special but wonderful just the same.

“Who’s that?” Kimberly asked.

“Colin, my uncle. He’s at Uni now.”

“Is he adopted?”

“Yes.”

Kimberly seemed content with that answer so Rain went on with the tour. As she led Kimberly upstairs, the front door opened. “Hi, Papa!”

“Hello, angel. Who do you have there?”

Kimberly waved shyly.

“This is Kimberly. She lives down the road.”

“Nice to meet you,” Phil said. “Do you girls want any snacks?”

Rain nodded with a smiled. “Yes, please.”

Phil went into the kitchen and out of sight so Rain led Kimberly into her room. To say the other girl was amazed would be an understatement. Rain’s room was a wonderland of art and music and Kimberly was instantly jealous.

“My mom would never let me put all this stuff on the walls.”

Rain pulled out her toy chest as she asked. “Why?”

“She said it would look tacky.”

“Oh,” Rain said. “Tacky is fun. Anyway, do you want to play?”

Shifting through the chest, Rain pulled out a beautiful doll with bright blue eyes and curled ebony hair.

“Don’t you have any black dolls?” Kimberly asked.

Rain shook her head.

“Why not? You’re not white. Why do you have so many white dolls?”

“I am white,” Rain said, feeling attacked.

“No you’re not. Look at your skin, Rain. It’s brown.”

“I am white. My family is white. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Yes, it does. My mother says that if you aren’t proud of where you come from, you’re nothing.”

“I’m from London like everyone else.”

Kimberly stood up abruptly. “I can’t play with you anymore.”

“Why not?”

“You’re a liar. I’m not supposed to stay with liars.”

“I’m not lying. I am white!”

Dan and Phil both heard the shouting. Kimberly told them good bye before opening the front door and leaving. They both made their way upstairs to sort this one out.

“What happened?” Phil asked, pulling Rain onto his lap. She laid her head on his chest.

She asked, “Papa, am I white?”

Dan looked at his granddaughter and raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, you are.”

“Kimberly says I’m not.”

“Well, she doesn’t get to decide these things.” Dan retorted. He looked at his granddaughter—really looked at her. Her skin was a few shades darker than his, a definite tan. Her hair was long and incredibly curly. He thought it was beautiful in the way that it framed her lovely face. She had her mother’s eyes, greenish-blue, and her mother’s smile. Yes, people stared at them when they went out. Dan always assumed it was because of how gorgeous the child was or perhaps because he and Phil were a couple. Some people still didn’t appreciate that at all. Perhaps it had been her race, or the lack of it. You couldn’t really sort her into one category and that bothered some people. They had to know more.

“Rain, you are White because your mother is White. Remember that you don’t have to tell anyone anything about who you are. That’s your decision.”

—-

A few months later Rain wasn’t watching where she was going and walked into an older boy she didn’t know. She hadn’t meant to do it. He turned around to see the small girl saying she was sorry. All he really saw was her skin.

“Did you just touch me?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Rain said honestly.

“Now, I’ll have to burn this shirt. I’ll make you pay for new one.”

“Why? I didn’t do anything to it.”

“Your dirty Black hands touched me and now my shirt is dirty. Do you get it now?”

Rain puffed out her chest. “I’m not Black and your shirt is fine.”

He snorted. “You’re something nasty. You aren’t white so you must be.”

“I am white,” she said. “Like you.”

“Look, one drop of dirty blood makes you dirty. I don’t care how mixed up you are. Stay away from me. You got that?” the boy sneered, brushing himself off as if he was truly covered in dirt. He eventually walked away.

—-

“A boy said I was dirty today.”

“Who?” Dan asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“I don’t know him but he goes to my school. He said I had dirty blood.”

“That’s weird.” Phil tapped her elbow as a reminder to keep them off the table. “Why would he say that?”

“He said I was Black too but I said I wasn’t. He got angry and said my blood was dirty.”

Dan put down his fork. “No one’s blood is dirty. He’s lying because he’s a racist. He thinks that he’s better than other people because he’s White. That’s not true. We’re all the same, okay?”

“Yeah but why didn’t he think I was White?”

“Angel, some people are going to look at you and think you’re lying or not telling the whole truth.”

Dan, who had spoken to Phil about this subject, decided it was a good time to tell her. “You are mixed race. That doesn’t mean anything really. You’re not dirty because of it. You might be Black. You might be Hispanic. You might be a bunch of things. We just don’t know. It doesn’t matter. You’re still our Rainey. You’re still English, British and a proud Londoner.”

“Okay. Grandad?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have some pudding now?”

—-

Years later, Rain heard talking one night after she’d gone to bed. The lights were off in the hallway so they must have been downstairs. There was a woman’s voice bouncing off the walls and into her ears.

“Don’t stay if you’re just going to leave again.”

Papa said that. Rain sat up in her bed and as quietly as possible, walked across her floorboards. She twisted the door knob, pulled the door open and listened.

“But,” the woman said, voice croaky. Rain imagined her to be a sickly person. “Daddy.”

Rain’s heart skipped a beat. Only two people called her grandfather Daddy and Colin wasn’t home.

Then she heard sobbing and sniffling. Grandad was shushing the woman and telling her it would be okay. The house had gone quiet one more after that. Rain eventually returned to her bed, wondering about the voice she heard and fell into a fitful sleep.

—-

The first thing Rain noticed when she woke was the smell of cigarette smoke. Confused, she threw off her duvet and sought out the origin. “Papa?” she called. “Grandad?”

They hadn’t yet woken as she heard them mumble from behind their closed door. Still bothered by the smell, Rain went downstairs. On the couch, sat a woman she’d only seen in pictures.

“Hi,” she waved timidly from the steps. The woman looked her over and with a spark of realization, smiled.

“Rain? Little Rainey?”

The twelve year old stepped off the staircase and entered the livingroom, now reeking of the cigarette her mother was still smoking.

Kiera chuckled to herself. “Not so little anymore. You’re taller than me.”

—-

Dan had barely slept. He knew Phil was asleep by the gentle, consistent rise of his chest. Kiera was back—again. She had been back only twice before. One time to have her baby, and the other beg forgiveness. Of course, they gave it. Of course, she couldn’t believe them. And, of course, she left. It had been ten years since then and here she was.

It was no problem letting their daughter home. She was, after all, their child. The problem came because Rain was involved. Dan and Phil both put her wellbeing first, even over Kiera’s. Their daughter was unstable, off her medication again, and could lash out at any time.

“Grandad?” Dan heard from the hallway. Phil was already putting on his robe and heading to the door.

“She’s smoking in the house. She knows we won’t stand for it,” Phil mumbled to Dan and himself.

“Wait,” Dan told him. He joined Phil at the threshold of their bedroom door. They read each other expressions, like always, and nodded. They would stay united and do what was best for Rain.  

When they got downstairs, they saw Kiera hugging Rain in a tight embrace. She was crying, “I shouldn’t have left you. My little baby.”

She looked up to see her parents and glared at them. “She barely recognizes me. What did you do to her?”

Dan scoffed. “We raised her!”

“Yeah, but you couldn’t tell her anything about me?” Kiera accused. “I know you failed with me and you want to use her as a second chance.”

“Enough,” Phil told her in a deep steady voice. “We didn’t fail. Every time we wanted to help, you ran away.”

“Because I know you don’t love me. You always loved Colin more. I was always in trouble and you always ignored me when I needed you.”

Rain, not believing a word of it, tried to pull away for her mother, but the woman had a tight grip on her.

“She doesn’t love me either,” Kiera said, pushing her child towards them. “That’s all I wanted. You stole her from me.”

Dan stepped forward, knowing how Phil was going to react. Between the two of them, Phil was more likely to be louder and confrontational. “You left her here twice. What were we supposed to do, Kiera? Throw her out with you. Let her live in a million different places and never have any stability? We never failed you. You failed every time you stopped following the doctor’s orders. We tried. We’re getting old–,”

“You’re gonna blame me for that as well?”

“Shut up!” Rain shouted at her mother. “You can’t say all this stuff about them. Why are you here?”

Kiera turned and grabbed her bag. “I don’t even know. I lost a baby a few months ago. I wanted to—I just wanted to see her again. I was thinking about getting better, actually trying to get better.”

“Is that true?” Dan asked. Rain was burrowing into his side, hanging onto him. “Do you really want to stay?”

Kiera nodded and let her bag fall onto the rug below.

—-

It took barely seven days for it all to fall apart. The tenuous balance that household so dearly deserved shattered at one mention of Rain’s appearance.

“You don’t look anything like how I imagined.”

Phil had gone out to the shops. Dan was cleaning the upstairs bathroom.

“What did you think I looked like?”

“White.”

“Papa and Grandad and said I am because you are.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“What did my father look like?”

“I thought it was my boyfriend at the time but that can’t be right.”

Rain played with her fingers. “You don’t know either?”

“No, there were so many.”

“Many what?”

“Guys.” She seemed proud of the fact. That confused Rain the most. “They loved me… until they didn’t anymore. When one left, there were already two more waiting in line.”

“Have you ever been married?”

“No,” Kiera answered. “They never last long enough for that. Why did you ask?”

Rain shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You think no one will love me too? Isn’t that right?”

The girl had witnessed the sudden rise in anger and knew that the best thing was to stay away. Unfortunately, Kiera followed her. In the living room, Rain turned on the television for distraction. Kiera wouldn’t leave her alone. She turned off the television and screamed.

“I am your mother and you have to love me.”

Rain shook her head and tried to stand up from her seat on the couch.

“Say it!” Kiera demanded.

Dan came down the stairs then, watching as his granddaughter cowered beneath the monster Kiera became.

“Stop,” Dan said. “Stop it. Leave her alone. Kiera you can’t stay here.”

“Dad—,”

“No.” Dan stood between Rain and her mother. “Rain comes first. We tried.”

“You love her more than me!” Kiera screeched with overwhelming anger. She lifted her hand and smacked Rain across the face. “You stole them!”

Dan pushed her away from Rain and told her to go into the kitchen. She did as she was told, fearing what would happen if she left Kiera with Dan.

Kiera carried on. She swore to hurt herself; to kill herself. Rain had the presence of mind to call Phil home.

—-

“We never told you this because we thought you were too young.”

“Mum’s sick, isn’t she?”

Dan nodded. “She has Borderline Personality Disorder.”

“What does that mean?”

“She has trouble with the way she feels about herself and others. She has trouble with control too.”

Rain look up at her grandfathers. “Will I get it too?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Phil told her. “You might not. If you do, then you do. We’ll help you as much as we can. You’ll never be alone. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Dan took Phil’s hand in his own and squeezed. They would do whatever it took to ensure Rain’s healthy and happiness.

**_Symptoms and Signs_ **

Rain loved hard and fast. She fell in love at least once a week. First dates became one night stands. Boys and girls thought she was cute and fun until they tried to say goodbye or goodnight. She was only sixteen but her heart had been broken a thousand times.

With all these love interests, it was strange to believe that Rain thought herself ugly and unattractive. As she grew, her mind turned on itself, telling her how unworthy she was; she would be old and alone like her mother. Rain would be just like her mother.

“Rainey?” Colin called. “Come meet Olivia!”

Colin grinned as he led his girlfriend into the kitchen to meet his parents. Olivia shook their hands and the evening seemed to get off on the right foot.

Rain still hadn’t left her room yet, even after hearing Colin’s call. Wondering where his niece was, Colin climbed the stairs up to her room.

“Rain?” he said, knocking on the door. “You in there?”

“Leave me alone!” Rain shouted.

Frowning, Colin turned the knob and peered inside. Rain’s room was a disaster zone. Her posters had been ripped off the walls and her clothes were taken from her closet, strewn all over. Her mattress was half covered with its fitted sheet askew. Her awards and certificates were torn and tossed. Rain was the worst of it, sitting on the ground, scratching at her skin and crying.

Colin shouted for his fathers to help. He stopped Rain and held her in his arms, much like he’d seen them do with Kiera.

When he asked why she was so mad, and so sad, she said, “You won’t love me anymore!”

—-

Phil sat with his husband later that night after Rain’s arms had been bandaged and they managed to calm her down. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, feeling intense amounts of dread and hopelessness.

“We can’t let her be like Kiera,” Dan sniffled. “They’re the same. Everything, every problem Kiera had, Rain is showing the same symptoms. Everything we tried failed us. I can’t…” he paused. “I don’t think I could take it again.”

“I know. We’ll just have to try harder.”

“How is that even possible?” Dan asked solemnly. “We nearly killed ourselves over Kiera.”

“Rain is going to make it through this,” Phil said in reassurance. Dan knew that it was for Phil as much as it was for him.

Dan nodded. “She is; even she doesn’t know it yet.”

—-

At eighteen, Rain found herself in a better place than she had been through most of adolescence. Her grandparents were her angels, though they insisted that she was theirs. She stopped looking for love in all the wrong places. There had been incidents, several scares, and attempts since her diagnosis. Rain always came home though; one way or another she was coming home.

Colin was set to get married to woman named Fiona, whom Rain accepted… eventually. She struggled with the idea of different kinds of love and the idea of ever growing amounts of love. Just because Colin was getting married, didn’t mean that his love was divided; it simply grew.

Dan and Phil saw marked improvement in their granddaughter’s attitude and behavior since encouraging her to attend therapy and take the proper medications (as well as abstaining from drugs as she was prone to do).

The day of the wedding, Rain and the other bridesmaids got ready in her room while the groomsmen got dressed next door. As soon as she’d managed to get her slipper on, Rain heard the doorbell. Thinking it was the caterer or the like, she thought nothing of going to let them in.

Standing on the other side of the door was her mother, face haggard and holding onto a small child.

“Rainey,” Kiera greeted. “You look nice. You gotta date or something?”

“Wedding,” Rain answered plainly.

“Oh. Who’s it?”

“Colin.”

“Shut up. My monkey’s not getting married.” Kiera pushed her way inside without any warning. “I hope she’s pretty.”

“She is,” Rain said, still trying to figure out what to do. Dan and Phil were getting dressed next door but she didn’t want to leave Kiera alone for a minute. “Who’s this?”

Kiera rose her brow in confusion then said, “Oh. This is Skylar.” She turned to the boy and pulled him harshly. He winced noticeably. “Say hi. This is the sister I was telling you about,” Kiera told him. “He’s just a little bit shy.”

Rain nodded. “I’m going to be right back. I have to check on something.”

Kiera waved her away, settling into the sofa easily. Barely a minute had passed before she took out a cigarette.

Rain, on the other hand, practically sprinted next door. “Where’s my grandpa?” she asked one of the groomsmen. He pointed to the family room. Both Dan and Phil were fixing each other’s bowties and paying each other compliments all the while.

“My mum’s back!” Rain told them as soon as she entered the room.

Dan took a deep breath. “She always did have fantastic timing.”

“That’s not the only thing.”

“What?” Phil asked, following Rain back to their house.

“Skylar,” Rain said. “My little brother.”

—-

“How old are you?”

The child held up four fingers.

“You’re four?”

He nodded, keeping his gaze down.

Dan looked up to Kiera. “When was the last time he ate anything?”

“I gave him something this morning. Kid’s always eating.”

“It’s what they do.” Dan struggled to keep a steady voice. “You can both come to the reception. You, Skylar, can have a nice big piece of cake. Would you like that?”

Skylar gave a small smile and nodded.

—-

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. The happy couple were already on their way when Kiera fell on old habits.

There had been the sharp echo of skin meeting skin. Dan turned around to see Kiera glaring at her son and the little boy holding his cheek. Rain was up in a flash and pushed her mother to the ground, screaming at her. Kiera screamed back. They were eventually pulled apart.

“You’re an evil bitch!”

“Where do you think you got it from?”

Rain lunged at her again before she could be held back. “Why do you have us if you hate us?!” she growled.

“You were supposed to love me. You didn’t.”

“Those who love will be loved. You don’t know how to. You need help.”

“Did your precious doctors tell you that?” Kiera spat.

“No, your parents did.”

—-

A week went by and promises were made. Another day gone, and promises were broken.

Phil had been able to see her in the act, escaping and running away with hundreds of pounds worth of their valuables.

“Skylar is staying with us,” Phil said firmly. Kiera’s hand was on the knob while the other tightly held onto the boy.

She had no words of explanation. She felt the shame of being caught. She knelt down and pushed the boy’s black curls out of his eyes, kissing him on the forehead. “Mummy will come back soon. I love you.”

“Love you too,” he answered.

She stood and looked Phil in his tired eyes. He let her turn around and walk out. He let her walk out with their equipment and cash. He knew that she had left behind something far more valuable; and he needed to be registered for kindergarten in the morning. Phil gave his grandson a glass of warm milk before tucking him in.

—-

“Granddad is too old to chase you around,” Dan said jokingly. Skylar giggled as he chased the kitten they’d recently gotten for him. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

“You are not that old,” Phil rolled his eyes. “You are lazy though.”

“I have three grandchildren. I’m old,” Dan gushed. “Am I still pretty?”

“The prettiest.”

“You’re both disgusting,” Rain gagged, playfully.

“There’s the graduate!” Dan exclaimed. “Ready for tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Rain nodded and smiled. “I’m so ready for this to be over, you know. I’ve been in school forever.”

“We know,” Phil laughed. “We paid your tuition.”

“I’ll pay you back,” Rain vowed.

“I never want to hear those words again, young lady.” Phil smiled. “Never.”

Rain leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks, Papa. Thanks, Granddad.”

—-

Rain got a job as a clinical social worker, something she had found a passion for once she had found her own stability. She was able to speak from experience and strived to help her patients as best she could.

Both Dan and Phil had decided to retire, though they had started writing and giving seminars about communications and technology at local colleges.

Colin and Fiona were both lecturers of foreign languages at a university. They were expected their second child any day.

Skylar showed no symptoms of BPD or any other mental disorders like his sister and mother. He thrived under the care and attention his grandparents gave him. He had dreams of becoming a doctor of psychiatry after having seen what his sister had struggled with for most of her life.

Kiera still showed up sporadically, in need of a decent meal and money to feed the habits she’d developed over the years. Dan and Phil did all they could. They had offered her a place to stay when the children were older and out of the house. She declined because they were trying to control her. They offered to get her into rehab, outpatient facilities or even just a narcotics anonymous.

In the end, one thing was clear. They loved her, in spite of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
